Saturday, November 23, 2013

financially retarded

Let me just start off by saying i wish i had a snuggie...i'm fucking freezing!! 

i'm sitting on my bed. it's 4:30 a.m. I just got off work, and i'm listening to "everything has changed" from miss Taylor Swift on Pandora. Although, that has absolutely NOTHING to do with my story.

I'm having a really hard time right now. financially. I think it's called a bind. so yeah, a bind. That's what i'm in. Now, before you roll your eyes and say, "just another spoiled girl complaining because daddy won't give her anymore money". Just know, I totes can call my dad for things  like *gas, food, and advice.* but, to say, dad i overspent at the mall and don't have an y money for rent he'd just give me the look like....well, whats the right thing to do annie? thats right, take the shit back and go pay your bills". because my dad is cool like that. he only helps with things that i physically cannot do. I also cannot believe i'm about to tell you something that i hold very private. i NEVER talk about money to ANYONE. it always starts issues and arguments and "you need to prioritize annie" "why did you do all of that when you knew better". so, here we go

I got a loan, paid it off. got another one, paid it off. got 2 more from 2 different places, barely paid them off. had no more money for fuel so, i got another one. then, before i realized it i was broker than i ever thought. so, instead of calling my dad and getting the lecture i needed. i went and over a few months time i ended up with 7 loans. including maxed credit cards from both my banks. I paid off 2 loans and then i was broke and i physically had to hold myself back from getting more to cover me because i knew i couldnt pay it back. credit loan places turned me away. obviously. thank god! i was making 8$ an hr. at my job and that wasn't enough. i still had no money after making my payments. i made my priority filling up my SUV with gas and then paying the loans down. 

A few months ago i was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I'm on meds and they help wayyy better. but, when things are bad, they aren't so bad. but when they are BAD i still freak the fuck out like i did with no meds. it's just worse. let me paint you a truck battery dies, thats neighbor jumps my truck. throughout the day, it keeps dying. i'm getting upset but i'm still like "oh, its good. i'm good" then, i go to get gas. My battery dies AGAIN and my card declines at the pump because i'm in the overdraft 300$ because a loan company took a payment out of my account and i was billed for being in the hole. thats where i snap. and its like exploooossssiiiiiivvvee!!!! (this actually happened and i didn't tell anyone because i got myself in that rut. what were other supposed to do? right?)

Last month i decided i needed another job. so, i talked to my roommate and she suggested i go apply at the subway in town. because i have experience i would be able to make more than minimum wage. i applied while on my grave shift at work and before my shift was even over i got a call from the manager. she pretty much hired me over the phone. When i went in for my interview she informed me i would be making 7.50 an hr. me being so desperate for money was in no way shape or form going to be greedy. i was in no place to argue or turn it down. so i accepted. it was going okay until it was still not helping me. I have hit my year mark in october of this year so i got a .25 raise. it has seemed to help. but, this last check went straight into my account which was in overdraft. i saw NONE of it. and i had 3 loans due. thank god one of them knows me very well and they worked a plan out for me. i found out i could transfer stores (subway) and be able to make more $$. hopefully it helps.

Moral of this blog. DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES GET A LOAN. EVER. I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU THINK IS IMPORTANT. NOTHING IS SERIOUSLY THAT IMPORTANT. also, this is something that i'm trying to knock into my brain.

so, now you all know how retarded i am, how broke i am. and this makes me more vulnerable than i was earlier today. your're welcome