Thursday, March 29, 2018

Pregnancy Bizarres

I am into my second trimester. For non moms, pregnancy is sectioned in trimesters which puts me at 14 weeks today. I am going to let out some things I have bottled up and it's a little real. But then again which post of mine isn't?

You announce your pregnancy and a flood of opinions come at you and you do your best to either tuck them away or dodge them completely. Many are actually super helpful and those tend to come from your own mother or women who are mother figures in your life. Others are acquaintances or friends that realistically shouldn't be handing out parenting advice. I was actually talking to a friend I haven't seen in a while and I told her I was pregnant and she said "OMG congrats girl! Make sure your child is gluten free and only breastfeed and then stay away from these types of people". I was like, "k" and haven't talked to her since. I would categorize her as the "types of people to stay away from". Advice is great. When you give it it's usually because you as a mom went through it and it either helped or went south. So, initially I take all advice and if its realistic I utilize it and if it's absolutely ridiculous I will nod and dismiss. Right now I am focusing on being able to bring our child into this world. I'll worry about the kids diet when they're here, k? Besides, it's nice to give and get advice but I am going to listen to my doctor because he's the best in the valley and what he says goes. He knows me and you don't. 

The pressure is on already about being the ideal model mother. Don't drink soda, drink this much water, don't eat this don't take that. I took prenatal vitamins before I got pregnant and then took them a little bit after my first positive test. About 7 weeks in I started throwing up my vitamins a few minutes after taking them. I mistook it for morning sickness and continued taking them. I talked to my doctor and we found that it was in fact my vitamins. Fun fact: some women can't take prenatals because if they're anemic or their iron levels are already up then they can reject the iron in the prenatal. Thus throwing them up. I am not anemic and am actually pretty healthy for not watching what I ate before conceiving. Folic acid is the most important to get into your body. So now I just take folic acid by itself and I have been great. That is something that I struggled deciding to share because I know what people say and I know how they think. But, like I said, my doctor knows me and you don't. I don't drink multiple cups of coffee a day. I actually haven't had any if you can believe that. I will rarely get soda and I don't drink much of it. So there really isn't anything I am doing that is so bad.  

Attitude is something I have been struggling with. I have been fortunate to not have a really hard time being pregnant. I don't get sick often at all and I can eat and keep down everything. For the most part I am still my oober calm self. I am really chill and I don't lose my patience easily. Right now I accepted a ginormous load at work which has come with lots of overtime. I am super grateful for the money because obviously we are going to need it now more than ever but it definitely uses all of my energy. I do so good at work all day and the second I come home I'm done. I have been touched all day don't touch me. I attended to peoples every need please do something yourself. Some days are good and I come home and I get to spend time with Kyle before bed but other days I am like, "don't talk to me". This week I have been feeling more short in my patience and I have told people off without thinking. -not at work just in general interactions. I hope that lightens up because I don't like to be the bad guy right now or ever!

Lastly, for all you moms out there what were your dreams like? Mine have been SO crazy! Last night I had an all night nightmare. I would wake up and fall right back into it. I remember every detail and it was pretty realistic. I move more in my sleep -if you can believe that. My dreams are so freaky and last night I elbowed Kyle right in the side of his poor head. He doesn't get much sleep and I feel so terrible. I know that your brain changes shape while you are pregnant and that's where pregnancy brain comes from and probably why I have such outrageous dreams. They feel a little bit like Melatonin dreams. I used to take Melatonin before bed and it would make me have wild dreams. Pregnancy just makes me have nightmares. 

I hope that this is something that can shed a little truth on everyone. Whether you were a mom that was frustrated with judgement or tired of opinions of people who didn't get it. I know at least one of you have been there. My advice is to not be that person who is overbearing. Don't scare your newly pregnant friends away...I just wanted to share my excitement. Also, Baby P is the size of a troll doll this week. Which was fun to tell my nephew obsessed with the Trolls movie. <3


Wednesday, March 14, 2018

Our News

If you didn't catch that, WE ARE PREGNANT!!!!!

They say that losing a child is one of the hardest things you will ever go through. That it effects the entire family and it is 100% accurate. After my family experienced our first death of a child last August it has effected each member of my family incredibly deep and significantly different. We are all on different roads of healing. Some can't be in the same room as a baby, others haven't held one since holding Zayley's lifeless body. 

My road took me on bumps and sharp corners and all of a sudden I realized I wasn't me anymore. I wasn't happy and I felt as though all of my progress on my personal development had vanished in a blink of an eye. I am extremely close to my brother Michael and watching him destroyed me and he'll never know how many times a day I prayed for him. I haven't ever wanted kids and I told everyone I would just be the "cool aunt" and I was content. I helped raise my brothers two girls for several years and I always said that they were all the kids I ever needed. Then I met my perfect Kyle.

We both decided we wanted to start our own little family and it kept not happening. It was a rough rollercoaster and thinking there was something wrong with either of us. The day after Z's funeral I didn't want one. I didn't want to hold anybody's children despite their age. I avoided babies and admired from afar as I would try to not cry. I get that made me seem rude to some who have either never experienced baby loss or who didn't know what had even happened. I went from someone who held all the babies and expressed that I wanted one to avoiding you and refusing to hold your baby. After lots of work to push through my fears and being surrounded by people who didn't care if I bawled my eyes out while I held your precious babies. I was starting to be okay with the thought of having one again. We continued our life with the knowledge that if it happened we were going to be happy and the night I found out I couldn't stop crying and all I could say was "thank you". 

When a family loses a baby the next one born is considered a "rainbow baby". I am carrying not only my first child but I am carrying the very thing that is meant to give my family great healing. I am incredibly blessed to have found Kyle who has always understood and who shows his excitement everyday!! The moment that this rainbow is born and my family is able to be in the room with great joy is what I am most looking forward to. What a perfect moment and perfect baby.

We will continue to share our excitement and blog my progress so make sure you follow along!! (:
After every storm there is a rainbow of hope. Ours is due September 27, 2018.