Monday, December 15, 2014

aaaaand I'm STILL single

I always try to avoid these posts. I did it once before and I deleted it after I swore to not only you, but to myself I would keep it.. I love to talk about myself when there is something good to say. Like, I got a raise, or, someone came to visit me. You know, something like that. When it comes to my feelings, or the fact that I'm single I shut down.

I stripped myself for you before and talked about my past a little in another post and I didn't get as much backlash as I thought I would. I get a lot of e-mails telling me that I need to open up more or that I need to tone it down. Well, fuck off please (:

'Tiss the season for:

  • family
  • couples to do cute things
  • kissing under the mistletoe
  • caroling
  • late night cuddles (or whatever your into) by a lit fire
Last year I wanted to do a Christmas card because I thought it would be funny to flaunt that I was single and that it was okay for a single girl to send a Christmas card of my pretty self. I didn't get them printed in time so I didn't get to share them. So, this year I told myself I would do it. But, the closer that it gets to Christmas I grow more and more aware that I am going to die alone. I know, far fetched and a little off track...Hear me out, I love being in love. I love love. I want that again. So, what would you do if you opened up a Christmas card and it was of me with a bottle of'd laugh right? I mean it's hysterical, but just remember, you're laughing at my pain and will go to hell for that <3

I'll be honest...again...I love my family with all of my heart and soul. But, I'm the only single kid. Like seriously I have no one that I can call real quick and ask to pretend they are my boyfriend while I awkwardly eat food with them and their perfect mini families. And if your mind went to Bubba then you're an idiot...I can't pretend to date him my family isn't stooopid. But how sad is that? The only single kid and I have to make someone PRETEND to date me. Like, they don't even want to date me in real life I have to like coax them with promised food or something.

Last week me and my roommate watched "the Holiday" you know the one with sexy Jude Law, and Cameron Diaz? It was such a cute movie and I made it through without crying because thanks to my roommate being single also, we just laughed instead of crying. So, then on Friday night I got really drunk by myself and was like "I wanna watch a Christmas movie. And I want to watch 'the Holiday' because I'm a fucking idiot and think all things bad are good ideas" Yeah, I cried THE WHOLE FUCKING MOVIE. If you haven't seen it, hurry and watch it...if you are not dying alone you will love it. If you are single and not happy about that then I suggest you probably don't watch it A. alone and B. drunk. <--You're welcome. If you have seen it then you know who I relate to..Iris, who is played by the beautiful Kate Winslet. I too am in love with someone and I know he knows it. It's almost been a year of this and I push him to the side to try and move on and then somehow I just pretend that I didn't do that and then call him. It's pathetic and it makes us strong girls look fuckin weak. And my mom would tan my hide if she knew I was prancing around a boy waiting for him to say "Annie, I'm a fool. I love you." and then boom we live happily ever after...ha ha because that's how it works right all you non single people??

I fear I will never move on from him. He'd probably appreciate that. Except I can't. So, here I stand...or prance....and there I will stay. I used to think it was just lust because this guy is like oober sexy and scraggly sometimes and absolutely perfect so I mean any girl would lust after him. But, we spend a decent-ish amount of time together. and when we are not together we are using other means of communication and I just keep falling deeper and deeper...Fuck me right?

So, maybe I'll still send out that Christmas card. And maybe you will laugh at my single lady pain. But, I will make it fucking worth it. Funny caption...and I'll be very drunk.

From, me to....your perfect family. Merry fucking Christmas, Bitches.

Thursday, December 11, 2014

Christmas (this is for you, Kari)

So this one time I was working a grave and had this thought..."I'm gonna blog". Once I got on here I had literally NOTHING to blog about...I always have something to say..So, I snapped a friend and asked for inspiration....and this is what she gave me to work with..Christmas. HAHA

Last time I blogged about Christmas I was drunk and ranting about all the Ba-Humbugs I feel every year..Brace yourself, it's back ha ha.

*All things to hate about Christmas:

  • Crowded Stores
  • Mean people
  • Greedy people
  • Crying kids
  • Santa
  • Long Lines
  • Snow
  • Cold
  • People fight more
  • No ones ever pleased
  • You get fat
  • You have to work on Christmas
All of those reasons would make anyone a Ba-Humbug. Dwelling on things that are negative will not make your Christmas any better. But it might make it worse. So, since making that list didn't bring the Christmas spirit into me I will write a list of.....

*All things to LOVE about Christmas:
  • Awesome Sales
  • Presents
  • Singing/Caroling
  • Yummy food selections
  • Family
  • Holiday Booze
  • Desserts
  • Christmas lights
  • Christmas Tree
  • My kids
  • Crying kids (because even though it's annoying I still laugh)
  • Sledding
  • Sleeping in
  • Holiday pay
  • My grandma's Christmas party
  • Games
So, that brought out some Christmas cheer inside of me. Notice how the second list has more shiz? Anyway, It's really easy to look at stuff that would teeter on the negative side and make it that much easier to fill your soul with holiday hate..I guess I am just used to not liking the holidays because I literally HATE snow. I hate being cold and I think Santa is a giant white bearded pervert. However, since he's not real (i hope your parents told you) Christmas is for family and obviously Jesus the Christ. 

Happy Holidays Bitches
<3 Annie

P.s. Kari, thank you for inspiring me to inspire others. I love you.

Sunday, December 7, 2014

Momma's Girl

All of us have a preferred (or go to) parent, mine is my mother. I've always been a "momma's girl" but in recent years she's been my number 1! Anything I need she's right there. While she plays the "fun mom" most of the time she can switch to the "mom mom card" in the same second REAL fast which helps balance our relationship and remind me that she's still my mom and will have no problem telling me when I am just full of shit.

My mom asked me earlier this year if I wanted to save some money and go with her back home (back home=Australia) with her. Of course I said yes. Then I sat down for my finances and then realized I couldn't afford it. Instead I bought a car. So, now my mom is going without me and for 4 months. That's 17 weeks...121 days....that's a long time to be away from your best friend.

I always joke that my mom is my best friend because I have no friends myself ha ha. Except I do. I have 2 very best friends and then I have my regular friends that all rank the same. My friends are a part of my family ( not literally), we all would do anything for each other no matter what and to be honest, my mom is fucking cool so I don't exactly care who makes fun of me for calling my mom daily to "hang out".

I've tried to not freak out that she leaves tomorrow but I have been crying everyday over it. It's like I'm 6 all over again and she's going to be getting on a flight and leaving for a few weeks. Only now that I'm grown up she can go for a lot longer than that. But I wish she wouldn't. 17 weeks is going to be a damn long time, and she's going to miss all of my funny jokes and stories. But, she is going to have so much fun with her sisters and in the sun and that's kind of all that matters. Since I was born she has dedicated so much of her life to me, her time, her money, her love, her support, her sympathy, her understanding and her awesome hugs that make me wanna cry thinking about. So, if she can do all of that for me I SUPPOSE I could do this ONE thing for her <3