Saturday, November 23, 2013

Good person

This is going to be straight up word vomit. Brace yourself.

I've been seeing a lot of posts about being a good person and what things make you a good person. As i have read into these posts I've noticed that most people do good things for the praise and attention that comes from being a 'good person'. and while i sit here and feel sorry for that 'good person' i know that I'm not in the clear.

About a year or so ago the good things i did were for the attention. Then one day i actually did something out of the goodness of my heart and i was blown up with attention and praise and it actually made me angry. Nobody really cared about the person i helped and how the thing i did benefited them in the end. From then on i decided i wasn't going to do things because i would get attention from it. No, i would do things because i actually want to be a good person. If the things that i do get me attention its gonna be nothing because I'm doing it for another purpose if that makes sense.

So i challenge the few of you reading this to change your outlook on what makes you a good person. Change the reasons why you would help someone....maybe help them because they need help and you're willing to help them. Unless you're saving an orphanage from a burning building you don't need massive attention.


financially retarded

Let me just start off by saying i wish i had a snuggie...i'm fucking freezing!! 

i'm sitting on my bed. it's 4:30 a.m. I just got off work, and i'm listening to "everything has changed" from miss Taylor Swift on Pandora. Although, that has absolutely NOTHING to do with my story.

I'm having a really hard time right now. financially. I think it's called a bind. so yeah, a bind. That's what i'm in. Now, before you roll your eyes and say, "just another spoiled girl complaining because daddy won't give her anymore money". Just know, I totes can call my dad for things  like *gas, food, and advice.* but, to say, dad i overspent at the mall and don't have an y money for rent he'd just give me the look like....well, whats the right thing to do annie? thats right, take the shit back and go pay your bills". because my dad is cool like that. he only helps with things that i physically cannot do. I also cannot believe i'm about to tell you something that i hold very private. i NEVER talk about money to ANYONE. it always starts issues and arguments and "you need to prioritize annie" "why did you do all of that when you knew better". so, here we go

I got a loan, paid it off. got another one, paid it off. got 2 more from 2 different places, barely paid them off. had no more money for fuel so, i got another one. then, before i realized it i was broker than i ever thought. so, instead of calling my dad and getting the lecture i needed. i went and over a few months time i ended up with 7 loans. including maxed credit cards from both my banks. I paid off 2 loans and then i was broke and i physically had to hold myself back from getting more to cover me because i knew i couldnt pay it back. credit loan places turned me away. obviously. thank god! i was making 8$ an hr. at my job and that wasn't enough. i still had no money after making my payments. i made my priority filling up my SUV with gas and then paying the loans down. 

A few months ago i was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I'm on meds and they help wayyy better. but, when things are bad, they aren't so bad. but when they are BAD i still freak the fuck out like i did with no meds. it's just worse. let me paint you a truck battery dies, thats neighbor jumps my truck. throughout the day, it keeps dying. i'm getting upset but i'm still like "oh, its good. i'm good" then, i go to get gas. My battery dies AGAIN and my card declines at the pump because i'm in the overdraft 300$ because a loan company took a payment out of my account and i was billed for being in the hole. thats where i snap. and its like exploooossssiiiiiivvvee!!!! (this actually happened and i didn't tell anyone because i got myself in that rut. what were other supposed to do? right?)

Last month i decided i needed another job. so, i talked to my roommate and she suggested i go apply at the subway in town. because i have experience i would be able to make more than minimum wage. i applied while on my grave shift at work and before my shift was even over i got a call from the manager. she pretty much hired me over the phone. When i went in for my interview she informed me i would be making 7.50 an hr. me being so desperate for money was in no way shape or form going to be greedy. i was in no place to argue or turn it down. so i accepted. it was going okay until it was still not helping me. I have hit my year mark in october of this year so i got a .25 raise. it has seemed to help. but, this last check went straight into my account which was in overdraft. i saw NONE of it. and i had 3 loans due. thank god one of them knows me very well and they worked a plan out for me. i found out i could transfer stores (subway) and be able to make more $$. hopefully it helps.

Moral of this blog. DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES GET A LOAN. EVER. I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU THINK IS IMPORTANT. NOTHING IS SERIOUSLY THAT IMPORTANT. also, this is something that i'm trying to knock into my brain.

so, now you all know how retarded i am, how broke i am. and this makes me more vulnerable than i was earlier today. your're welcome

Monday, November 4, 2013

BrynLeigh Jade Peterson

Let me just take a minute of your time to tell you about my niece BrynLeigh. She is 9, beautiful, smart, hilarious, active, and autistic. She has taught my family so much in her 9 years. Her favorite show is Spongebob. She's been drawing Spongebob since she was 4 years old. Every time she visits me she draws me pictures and then hides them. Every so often I'll be cleaning or moving shit around and I'll find pictures she has hidden.

Tonight I was cleaning out my bedroom and I found some pictures of spongebob and a letter she wrote to my roommates dog penny. Here are a few of the pictures I found. She just makes me so happy (:
We watched this episode on repeat 5 times and it was still as funny as the first time. I love Spongebob and I love watching it with her. Even though she knows every line to EVERY episode it's still a good time!
There ain't no one that can draw Spongebob better than B!

The whole 2 days BrynLeigh was with me she kept talking about this dog named rose. She said, "She's gorgeous. That's why her name is Rose". 

I love my BrynLeigh Jade. I wouldn't trade her in for all the fame and riches the world could offer me. I have learned more than I ever could from anyone else. <3

Saturday, November 2, 2013

First post. Not supposed to be special.

I've never done this before. So, I guess I'll just start with an introduction. My name is Annie, and this is my crazy beautiful life. 

The purpose of this blog was to show the real me. Uncensored. There are 4 things that mean the most to me in this life and they go as follows. 1. My family. Always. 2. My friends. But not just any friends..I have 5 friends worth remembering. We go the extra mile for each other. 3. My job. I work as a direct support care professional assisting individuals with disabilities. 4. The simple fact I'm alive.

I guess before I go get ahead of myself I should probably slow down and tell ya'll a story. A story to give you an outline of this life in which is completely crazy. Everyday is a new adventure. So, if I haven't lost you already..would you like to hear/read a story?
mmk. cool.

From the time I took my first breath to the time I turned 10 I lived in Roy, Utah. God, I LOVED it there. When I look at that place now I wouldn't live there again if you paid me. My parents did a really good job of providing a large-ish home (i thought it was huge) with a yard that I swore went for miles. Gave me a big ol family with 5 friends I would grow to love. (we don't always love each other) Andrew, Michael, Beth, Laura (Lo) Carrie, & then yours truly. Select friends in the neighborhood I'd never forget. Beck's, Cembrolla's, Buchanans, Carruth's. I'm not naming the others, my siblings were more friends with them. Man, did I have a great upbringing. 

At the age of 10 it was time for a new chapter for our family. We are so supportive of each other and have each others back no matter what. I mean, I helped my parents raise Michael's kids. (theres my next blog idea) Anyway, My dad got a promised promotion (worth moving 50 mi. away) and then was denied right after we moved. Leaving EVERYTHING behind. Not all of my family moved at that time. 3 were moved out already. So that left the other 3 to legit leave friends, and our life behind and move to the smallest town in the world. Yep, Hyrum. Ever heard of it? Probably cuz it's not on a map. 37,604 to 7,758. Catch my drift? 

Looking back now, I wouldn't trade the move for anything. Honestly, looking at the way that some of my old "friends" turned out I feel better about myself. I don't feel bad I said that. I have made some great friends along the way and created my own "crazy beautiful life".

Now, if this caught you...which i'm not offended if it didn't. Remain on stand-by as I give you a headstart in this crayy life I lead.